Season 12 · 2025

Week 2

The week

Box scores

QB Josh Allen BUF “Jesus Josh” 11.82
QB Patrick Mahomes KC “Mahomosexual” 23.08
RB Chase Brown CIN “Pound Town Brown” 6.50
RB Josh Jacobs GB “Stupid Washed Bitch Boy” 14.40
RB James Cook BUF “Let James Cook” 25.50
RB Austin Ekeler WAS “Awesome Sexeler” 2.40
WR Justin Jefferson MIN “Bustin’ Befferson” 8.10
WR Drake London ATL 2.90
WR Garrett Wilson NYJ “Guantanimo Garrett” 5.00
WR George Pickens DAL “Move Over CeeDee, You’re Washed” 12.80
WR Mike Evans TB “Massive Sack Mike” 5.60
WR Adam Thielen MIN “My Son, Thielen” 2.60
TE Travis Kelce KC “Certified Swiftie” 6.10
TE Brock Bowers LV “Cock Powers” 3.80
FLX TreVeyon Henderson RB · NE 4.00
FLX De'Von Achane RB · MIA “Smeg’Mon Gaychane” 18.20
FLX Emeka Egbuka WR · TB 8.90
FLX Jonathan Taylor RB · IND “Gaylor” 27.50
K Jake Bates DET “Jake MasturBates” 10.00
K Cameron Dicker LAC “Chinese” 8.00
DEF Philadelphia Eagles PHI 5.00
DEF Houston Texans HOU 7.00
Bench 16.28 29.12
RB Jerome Ford CLE 5.40
RB Cam Skattebo NYG 11.90
QB Justin Fields NYJ 3.98
QB J.J. McCarthy MIN 4.82
WR Hollywood Brown KC 3.00
WR DJ Moore CHI 4.60
RB Ray Davis BUF 2.40
RB Kenneth Gainwell PIT 3.60
WR Matthew Golden GB 1.50
WR Jayden Higgins HOU 2.80
RB Jaydon Blue DAL 0.00
TE Michael Mayer LV 0.90
TE Dallas Goedert PHI 0.00
WR Luther Burden CHI 0.50
WR Jordan Addison MIN 0.00

Matt: best possible 97.92 (left 1.40 on the bench, 99% efficient) · Hunter: best possible 134.18 (left 11.50 on the bench, 91% efficient)

QB Kyler Murray ARI “Kyler? I hardly know her!” 15.00
QB Lamar Jackson BAL “Daddy Lamy ” 26.30
RB D'Andre Swift CHI 10.90
RB Ashton Jeanty LV 4.40
RB James Conner ARI 11.20
RB Javonte Williams DAL 19.00
WR Nico Collins HOU “Freak-o (in the sheets) Collins” 11.20
WR Tetairoa McMillan CAR 10.00
WR Ladd McConkey LAC 4.80
WR DK Metcalf PIT 8.00
WR Jakobi Meyers LV 6.80
WR Courtland Sutton DEN 0.60
TE Sam LaPorta DET “Sam LaPortapotty” 2.60
TE Mark Andrews BAL 0.40
FLX Saquon Barkley RB · PHI 15.40
FLX Isiah Pacheco RB · KC 2.90
FLX Jordan Mason RB · MIN 3.80
FLX Keon Coleman WR · BUF 2.60
K Wil Lutz DEN 4.00
K Brandon Aubrey DAL 22.00
DEF Arizona Cardinals ARI 13.00
DEF Baltimore Ravens BAL 15.00
Bench 49.20 35.20
WR Jameson Williams DET 16.80
TE Juwan Johnson NO 10.90
RB Rachaad White TB 12.60
WR Cooper Kupp SEA 9.00
WR Cedric Tillman CLE 8.20
RB Quinshon Judkins CLE 7.10
WR Calvin Ridley TEN 5.70
WR Josh Downs IND 5.10
TE David Njoku CLE 4.00
WR Jalen Nailor MIN 3.10
RB Brian Robinson SF 1.90
RB Will Shipley PHI 0.00
WR Jayden Reed GB 0.00
RB Jaylen Wright MIA 0.00
WR Jalen Coker CAR 0.00

Abe: best possible 122.30 (left 23.60 on the bench, 81% efficient) · Courtney: best possible 136.80 (left 25.60 on the bench, 81% efficient)

QB Joe Burrow CIN “Chilly Guy” 7.04
QB Justin Herbert LAC “Bustin’ Slurpert” 18.78
RB Bijan Robinson ATL “Bird” 16.80
RB Jahmyr Gibbs DET 16.40
RB Jaylen Warren PIT “Jaylen the Lesser” 13.40
RB Aaron Jones MIN 2.30
WR Puka Nacua LAR “Pukake” 19.60
WR Amon-Ra St. Brown DET 30.20
WR Malik Nabers NYG “MaLigma” 28.70
WR Marvin Harrison ARI “Ass Sucker” 2.70
WR Brian Thomas JAX “Brain Tommy” 4.90
WR Rome Odunze CHI “Dome Oh-Cumsies” 24.80
TE Trey McBride ARI “McGroom” 7.80
TE Jake Tonges SF 3.10
FLX Tee Higgins WR · CIN “TeeHee” 11.60
FLX Ricky Pearsall WR · SF “Quicky Queers-all” 5.20
FLX Jaylen Waddle WR · MIA “Mr Wiggle” 12.80
FLX Tony Pollard RB · TEN “STILL Zeke’s Father” 9.20
K Will Reichard MIN “Fuck baby you’re so fucking skol” 8.00
K Harrison Butker KC “Women’s Rights Advocate” 7.00
DEF San Francisco 49ers SF “539ers” 5.00
DEF Pittsburgh Steelers PIT 5.00
Bench 43.98 34.00
QB C.J. Stroud HOU 14.98
RB Tyler Allgeier ATL 14.00
WR Jauan Jennings SF 14.90
WR Rashid Shaheed NO 11.20
TE Tyler Warren IND 7.90
WR Romeo Doubs GB 8.80
RB Trey Benson ARI 4.40
RB Joe Mixon HOU 0.00
TE George Kittle SF 0.00
RB Kaleb Johnson PIT 0.10
RB Dameon Pierce HOU 0.00
TE Colston Loveland CHI 0.00
RB Tyjae Spears TEN 0.00

Tom: best possible 153.68 (left 18.04 on the bench, 88% efficient) · Asher: best possible 148.48 (left 23.80 on the bench, 84% efficient)

QB Jayden Daniels WAS “Commander Daniels” 19.70
QB Jalen Hurts PHI 11.54
RB Derrick Henry BAL “Shocka” 2.30
RB Kenneth Walker SEA 17.80
RB Kyren Williams LAR “Killa Kyren” 8.00
RB RJ Harvey DEN 2.40
WR A.J. Brown PHI “Sir Always Open” 2.70
WR Ja'Marr Chase CIN “Touchdownless like a Moron” 22.50
WR Davante Adams LAR “Davante Dash” 16.60
WR Jerry Jeudy CLE 5.10
WR Travis Hunter JAX “Mr. Utility” 2.20
WR Deebo Samuel WAS “Slowest Fucker in the League” 10.40
TE Zach Ertz WAS 12.40
TE T.J. Hockenson MIN 1.20
FLX Bucky Irving RB · TB “Bucky Bolts” 12.10
FLX Calvin Austin WR · PIT 2.20
FLX Alvin Kamara RB · NO “Super K” 10.00
FLX Michael Pittman WR · IND 4.00
K Ka'imi Fairbairn HOU 9.00
K Jake Elliott PHI 12.00
DEF Detroit Lions DET 8.00
DEF Washington Commanders WAS 2.00
Bench 71.96 43.00
QB Jared Goff DET 33.96
QB Baker Mayfield TB 19.90
RB Rhamondre Stevenson NE 16.20
RB Bhayshul Tuten JAX 13.40
WR Elic Ayomanor TEN 11.60
TE Kyle Pitts ATL 3.70
WR Chris Olave NO 5.40
WR Darnell Mooney ATL 2.00
RB Najee Harris LAC 4.80
WR Tre Tucker LV 1.90
TE Darren Waller MIA 0.00
TE Evan Engram DEN 1.20
WR Chris Godwin TB 0.00
WR Noah Brown WAS 0.90
WR Christian Kirk HOU 0.00
K Younghoe Koo NYG 0.00

Blake: best possible 143.26 (left 40.26 on the bench, 72% efficient) · Dominic: best possible 113.20 (left 22.06 on the bench, 81% efficient)

QB Caleb Williams CHI “I can’t keep defending you” 17.98
QB Aaron Rodgers PIT 12.42
RB Christian McCaffrey SF 16.70
RB Breece Hall NYJ 3.80
RB Chuba Hubbard CAR 13.70
RB David Montgomery DET 12.10
WR Tyreek Hill MIA “stay at home dad” 10.90
WR CeeDee Lamb DAL “Bum city” 11.20
WR Terry McLaurin WAS 4.80
WR Jaxon Smith-Njigba SEA 10.30
WR Zay Flowers BAL “Flowers for Zay-lgernon” 7.90
WR DeVonta Smith PHI 5.30
TE Dalton Kincaid BUF 3.70
TE Tucker Kraft GB 18.40
FLX Keenan Allen WR · LAC 12.10
FLX J.K. Dobbins RB · DEN 14.50
FLX Stefon Diggs WR · NE “Mr. Cardi B” 3.20
FLX Quentin Johnston WR · LAC “I always believed in you” 12.90
K Chase McLaughlin TB 2.00
K Evan McPherson CIN 7.00
DEF Denver Broncos DEN 0.00
DEF Dallas Cowboys DAL 1.00
Bench 53.94 23.80
QB Bo Nix DEN 21.24
TE Jake Ferguson DAL 7.80
RB Travis Etienne JAX 14.90
RB Tyrone Tracy NYG 5.10
RB Nick Chubb HOU 13.20
DEF Minnesota Vikings MIN 5.00
RB Omarion Hampton LAC 2.50
WR Joshua Palmer BUF 4.70
RB Braelon Allen NYJ 1.10
WR Khalil Shakir BUF 1.20
RB Zach Charbonnet SEA 1.00
WR Rashee Rice KC 0.00
RB Isaac Guerendo SF 0.00
WR Xavier Worthy KC 0.00
WR Brandon Aiyuk SF 0.00
QB Brock Purdy SF 0.00

Dan: best possible 116.34 (left 23.36 on the bench, 80% efficient) · Ethan: best possible 116.92 (left 8.00 on the bench, 93% efficient)