Season 12 · 2025

Week 1

The week

Box scores

QB Josh Allen BUF “Jesus Josh” 38.76
QB Bo Nix DEN “Osama Bo Laden” 8.84
RB Chase Brown CIN “Pound Town Brown” 11.10
RB Christian McCaffrey SF 14.20
RB James Cook BUF “Let James Cook” 16.20
RB Omarion Hampton LAC 6.10
WR Justin Jefferson MIN “Bustin’ Befferson” 10.80
WR Tyreek Hill MIA “stay at home dad” 4.00
WR Garrett Wilson NYJ “Guantanimo Garrett” 15.50
WR Terry McLaurin WAS 2.70
WR Mike Evans TB “Massive Sack Mike” 5.10
WR Zay Flowers BAL “Flowers for Zay-lgernon” 21.10
TE Travis Kelce KC “Certified Swiftie” 10.70
TE Dalton Kincaid BUF 10.80
FLX TreVeyon Henderson RB · NE 5.10
FLX Chuba Hubbard RB · CAR 14.90
FLX Jerome Ford RB · CLE 0.50
FLX Travis Etienne RB · JAX 15.60
K Jake Bates DET “Jake MasturBates” 7.00
K Chase McLaughlin TB 6.00
DEF Philadelphia Eagles PHI 3.00
DEF Denver Broncos DEN 14.00
Bench 55.22 53.50
QB Justin Fields NYJ 29.52
QB Caleb Williams CHI 24.20
WR Emeka Egbuka TB 19.60
RB Zach Charbonnet SEA 10.70
TE Dallas Goedert PHI 4.40
RB Braelon Allen NYJ 6.90
WR Matthew Golden GB 1.60
RB Nick Chubb HOU 6.00
RB Ray Davis BUF 0.10
WR Stefon Diggs NE 5.70
RB Jaydon Blue DAL 0.00
RB Isaac Guerendo SF 0.00
WR Jordan Addison MIN 0.00
WR Tyler Lockett TEN 0.00
WR Brandon Aiyuk SF 0.00

Matt: best possible 142.86 (left 19.10 on the bench, 87% efficient) · Dan: best possible 141.20 (left 22.96 on the bench, 84% efficient)

QB Kyler Murray ARI “Kyler? I hardly know her!” 18.32
QB Jalen Hurts PHI 24.28
RB Saquon Barkley PHI 14.40
RB Kenneth Walker SEA 2.40
RB James Conner ARI 10.40
RB RJ Harvey DEN 6.90
WR Nico Collins HOU “Freak-o (in the sheets) Collins” 2.50
WR Ja'Marr Chase CIN “Touchdownless like a Moron” 2.60
WR Ladd McConkey LAC 7.40
WR Jerry Jeudy CLE 6.60
WR Jameson Williams DET 2.60
WR Deebo Samuel WAS “Slowest Fucker in the League” 15.60
TE Sam LaPorta DET “Sam LaPortapotty” 7.90
TE T.J. Hockenson MIN 1.50
FLX D'Andre Swift RB · CHI 6.50
FLX Evan Engram TE · DEN 2.10
FLX Jordan Mason RB · MIN 7.50
FLX Michael Pittman WR · IND 14.00
K Wil Lutz DEN 8.00
K Younghoe Koo NYG 9.00
DEF Arizona Cardinals ARI 5.00
DEF Washington Commanders WAS 9.00
Bench 31.10 46.38
WR Jayden Reed GB 10.50
QB Baker Mayfield TB 22.58
WR Jakobi Meyers LV 9.70
WR Calvin Austin PIT 13.00
TE David Njoku CLE 3.70
TE Kyle Pitts ATL 5.90
RB Brian Robinson SF 3.70
WR Noah Brown WAS 2.70
WR Calvin Ridley TEN 2.70
RB Bhayshul Tuten JAX 1.10
RB Rachaad White TB 1.60
WR Tre' Harris LAC 1.10
WR Jalen Coker CAR 0.00
WR Darnell Mooney ATL 0.00
WR Marvin Mims DEN -0.80

Abe: best possible 105.62 (left 15.10 on the bench, 86% efficient) · Dominic: best possible 109.38 (left 15.40 on the bench, 86% efficient)

QB Patrick Mahomes KC “Mahomosexual” 26.02
QB Justin Herbert LAC “Bustin’ Slurpert” 27.92
RB Jonathan Taylor IND “Gaylor” 9.80
RB Jahmyr Gibbs DET 5.00
RB De'Von Achane MIA “Smeg’Mon Gaychane” 13.50
RB Aaron Jones MIN 12.70
WR Drake London ATL 5.50
WR Amon-Ra St. Brown DET 4.50
WR George Pickens DAL “Move Over CeeDee, You’re Washed” 3.00
WR Marvin Harrison ARI “Ass Sucker” 13.10
WR Adam Thielen MIN “My Son, Thielen” 2.00
WR Rome Odunze CHI “Dome Oh-Cumsies” 9.70
TE Brock Bowers LV “Cock Powers” 10.30
TE George Kittle SF “Washed” 8.50
FLX Josh Jacobs RB · GB “Stupid Washed Bitch Boy” 13.00
FLX Rashid Shaheed WR · NO “Rashid Shithead” 3.30
FLX Austin Ekeler RB · WAS “Awesome Sexeler” 5.70
FLX Tony Pollard RB · TEN “STILL Zeke’s Father” 6.90
K Cameron Dicker LAC “Chinese” 9.00
K Harrison Butker KC “Women’s Rights Advocate” 11.00
DEF Houston Texans HOU 6.00
DEF Pittsburgh Steelers PIT 2.00
Bench 35.32 21.30
QB J.J. McCarthy MIN 23.22
WR Ricky Pearsall SF 10.80
WR DJ Moore CHI 5.60
WR Romeo Doubs GB 6.80
WR Jayden Higgins HOU 3.20
RB Tyler Allgeier ATL 2.40
WR Jack Bech LV 2.30
RB Zamir White LV 0.80
RB Cam Skattebo NYG 0.90
RB Dameon Pierce HOU 0.50
RB Trevor Etienne CAR 0.40
RB Joe Mixon HOU 0.00
WR Luther Burden CHI -0.30
RB Tyjae Spears TEN 0.00

Hunter: best possible 107.62 (left 3.80 on the bench, 96% efficient) · Asher: best possible 114.42 (left 9.80 on the bench, 91% efficient)

QB Lamar Jackson BAL “Daddy Lamy ” 29.36
QB Jayden Daniels WAS “Commander Daniels” 20.12
RB Ashton Jeanty LV 10.00
RB Derrick Henry BAL “Shocka” 28.20
RB Javonte Williams DAL 18.40
RB Kyren Williams LAR “Killa Kyren” 12.90
WR Tetairoa McMillan CAR 6.80
WR A.J. Brown PHI “Sir Always Open” 0.80
WR DK Metcalf PIT 8.30
WR Davante Adams LAR “Davante Dash” 5.10
WR Courtland Sutton DEN 12.10
WR Travis Hunter JAX “Mr. Utility” 3.30
TE Mark Andrews BAL 0.50
TE Zach Ertz WAS 8.60
FLX Isiah Pacheco RB · KC 2.80
FLX Bucky Irving RB · TB “Bucky Bolts” 10.50
FLX Cooper Kupp WR · SEA 1.50
FLX Alvin Kamara RB · NO “Super K” 11.70
K Brandon Aubrey DAL 11.00
K Ka'imi Fairbairn HOU 14.00
DEF Los Angeles Rams LAR 11.00
DEF Detroit Lions DET 0.00
Bench 20.80 22.30
WR Keon Coleman BUF 17.20
QB Jared Goff DET 11.90
WR Jalen Nailor MIN 2.80
WR Chris Olave NO 5.40
RB Will Shipley PHI 2.60
RB Rhamondre Stevenson NE 2.70
WR Josh Downs IND 1.20
WR Elic Ayomanor TEN 1.30
RB Jaylen Wright MIA 0.00
RB Najee Harris LAC 1.00
RB Quinshon Judkins CLE 0.00
TE Darren Waller MIA 0.00
DEF Baltimore Ravens BAL -3.00
WR Chris Godwin TB 0.00
WR Christian Kirk HOU 0.00

Courtney: best possible 127.46 (left 15.70 on the bench, 88% efficient) · Blake: best possible 119.82 (left 4.60 on the bench, 96% efficient)

QB Joe Burrow CIN “Chilly Guy” 8.82
QB Brock Purdy SF “Bricked up Purdy” 18.78
RB Bijan Robinson ATL “Bird” 18.40
RB Breece Hall NYJ 14.50
RB Jaylen Warren PIT “Jaylen the Lesser” 11.90
RB David Montgomery DET 4.30
WR Puka Nacua LAR “Pukake” 13.10
WR CeeDee Lamb DAL “Bum city” 11.00
WR Malik Nabers NYG “MaLigma” 7.10
WR Jaxon Smith-Njigba SEA 10.40
WR Brian Thomas JAX “Brain Tommy” 8.00
WR DeVonta Smith PHI 1.60
TE Trey McBride ARI “McGroom” 6.10
TE Tucker Kraft GB 7.90
FLX Tee Higgins WR · CIN “TeeHee” 3.30
FLX Tyrone Tracy RB · NYG 3.50
FLX Jaylen Waddle WR · MIA “Mr Wiggle” 3.00
FLX Xavier Worthy WR · KC 0.00
K Will Reichard MIN “Fuck baby you’re so fucking skol” 9.00
K Evan McPherson CIN 5.00
DEF San Francisco 49ers SF “539ers” 9.00
DEF Minnesota Vikings MIN 5.00
Bench 41.92 58.82
RB Jacory Croskey-Merritt WAS 14.20
WR Quentin Johnston LAC 19.90
QB C.J. Stroud HOU 9.72
RB J.K. Dobbins DEN 12.80
TE Tyler Warren IND 7.90
QB Trevor Lawrence JAX 11.32
RB Trey Benson ARI 7.50
WR Khalil Shakir BUF 6.40
WR Jauan Jennings SF 1.60
WR Joshua Palmer BUF 6.10
TE Colston Loveland CHI 1.20
TE Jake Ferguson DAL 2.30
RB Kaleb Johnson PIT -0.20
WR Rashee Rice KC 0.00

Tom: best possible 115.82 (left 18.10 on the bench, 84% efficient) · Ethan: best possible 117.78 (left 35.80 on the bench, 70% efficient)